When I was a teenager, there were times when life felt so overwhelming. Girls, school, feeling self-conscious, and trying to fit in were just a few of my “agonies”. There was however, at least one really bright spot in my personal darkness. A person whose presence and willingness to care helped me through it, make sense out of it, and put it in perspective.

His name was Kris Bateman and he was my Scout Master. One of his gifts, out of many, was the ability to make everyone feel that they had a special bond with him. For me, at that moment in my life, it truly did feel like we had a special kindred connection. Now that I’m a father, I’ve tried to emulate this quality in establishing unique and special bonds with each of my children.

When I think of Kris what stands out most is his curly hair and a deep, hearty, rich laugh that radiated right out of him. It was impossible not to smile and laugh with him, no matter how you were feeling. It was contagious, and everyone wanted to be infected.

There was no one better at validating your feelings, you knew that he felt what you felt. But then, in his subtle way, he would mix in just enough wisdom and perspective to get you pointed in the right direction, without it sounding parental. He was the perfect blend of friend and mentor.

One cold and snowy night after returning from our camping trip, Kris was dropping each of us off at our houses. I had found out earlier that a girl I really liked, was interested in another guy. He was always keen to read people and I could tell that he knew I was troubled - so he purposely dropped the others off first so that we could talk. When we pulled up to my house, it was nearly 11 PM. Kris had two young children and I’m sure he was anxious to see them and his wife after being gone for two days. I was staring up at the streetlight watching the snow fall when I heard him park. I really didn’t want to leave the friendly confines of his old, clunker Ford van.

“Let’s talk,” he said. Those were magic words. I uttered something, half heartedly about him probably needing to get home and that I understood if he really didn’t have the time. He just smiled at me and put his hand on my shoulder and said, “nope, I have nowhere I need to be except here with you”. I shook my head in amazement at just how incredible I thought he was and smiled a sheepish grin back, appreciative of his kind lie. Just before I took a deep breath to dive into my pool of angst, I remember glancing over at the gas gauge. It was at the half mark. I’m sure I looked at it as some kind of measurement, to determine if we had enough time to really get into it. After patiently listening to me express my feelings, he said something I have never forgotten. “You know, he said, I’ve never understood how people can say that you can’t really be in love when you’re young . . . as if the feelings are only real when you become an adult.” I found it so profoundly validating. Even today when my kids come crying about something important to them, I hear his voice.

Our conversation continued on, and the dull swish of his worn-out wiper blades kept the pace to my stories. It was a perfect reflection of how he would take each of my problems and gently help me move it out of the way. Helping me keep my vision clear. Time, and the snow on the hood of his van had melted away as we came to the end of our conversation. I felt completely at peace and knew that everything was going to be OK. I hugged him and thanked him and just as I was starting to get out of the van, I glanced back at the gas gauge and saw that it stood at a ¼ tank.

Kris died in an electrical accident not too many years later, well before his time - he was just twenty-nine years old. The news of his death struck like a sucker punch to the gut that knocked the wind out of me - and changed me.

We all know that life is about the relationships that we make. The most meaningful, are the ones that we make time for and keep. It’s amazing what a ¼ tank will do.

Stop for just a second. No really. There is someone that you know right now that needs you. Take the time, do it now, fire up the van and get over there.

- In today’s highly competitive marketplace, successful job searching comes down to this one important key - “Relational Leverage”.  How many contacts you have, times the quality of the relationship, equals the power of your Relational Leverage.  Obviously, Relational Leverage isn’t gained overnight.  Time must be put into those relationships for them to pay the dividend of that investment when you need to make a “withdraw” from it.  Commit to making at least a small, quality investment everyday in your relationships.  Doing that, more than any other job search technique, will give you the biggest ROI.  No job board will ever trump the power of “who you know”.

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As the holiday season approaches, we seem to find time in our busy schedule to review our blessings. Counting our blessings usually includes thankfulness for our loved ones, health, prosperity, etc. How many times have we been thankful for the trials and changes in our career path? These are the blessings we forget to count. Think for a moment about the transitions you have made throughout the process of your career. Many times we have been disgruntled, mismatched, transferred, promoted, downsized, and so forth. Have you seen gratefulness in these scenarios? Do you see transition as another burden for you to carry or as an exciting opportunity to move to another level in your quest for a career that is filled with happiness and satisfaction? When you honestly review your situation after a transition, do you find things worked out for the best? Most times, the answer to the last question is “yes.”

Let me propose a different holiday mindset this season. Be adaptable to change, be willing to accept change, be hankful for change, welcome change. To succeed it is essential to have characteristics such as high energy, tenacity, a certain amount of toughness, a sense of humor, and flexibility. Change requires the same attributes.

Change requires perseverance. Perseverance is a commitment to a goal following a particular course of action requently withstanding some difficulty or resistance. The key to surviving change is setting a goal to strive for.

Don’t wait for the New Year to set your career goals. Take control of your career, today. Unlock your dreams and discover possibilities that bring you daily joy in your work environment. Take steps to do what you love every day for the rest of your life. Start living your life to its fullest. Create your destiny. Create the career path that leads to happiness. You deserve it. Start counting your blessings every day for your good fortune; a fortune that you created by discovering hidden gifts and career possibilities.

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It doesn’t matter how you phrase it. Cutbacks. Downsize. Layoffs. Reduction in force. The meaning is clear and the impact is immediate. It feels as if the bottom has fallen out of your stomach, and the “empty pit” feeling remains for days. Those words can devastate your self-esteem, make you angry and create fear. There are some simple ideas that will help you cope constructively with a layoff.

Practical Steps

• Get a record of employment from your human resources office.
• Know the name of the company contact person.
• Find out if any job referral assistance will be offered.
• Get details of your severance package in writing.
• Request a letter of recommendation from your manager.
• Ask others at the company if you can use them as a reference.

Suggestions for early survival

• Strive to maintain a sense of control over your life. You have a choice to do things that will help you change the situation and move on.
• Examine your financial situation. Look for ways to cut expenses and develop an economic survival plan.
• Tell others that you are unemployed. It will help you get your feelings out in the open, and give you the opportunity for possible networking. You never know where you will hear about that next job.
• If offered, take advantage of training or seminars on job searches or career development.
• Develop a constructive and useful routine.
• Set daily goals regarding job searches and social contact.
• Keep an open mind. Make sure you consider any and all career options.
• If you’ve never had to face this type of situation, you might want to take this opportunity to become prepared, just in case.

Staying prepared

• Learn your company’s layoff policies.
• Get to know the human resources staff.
• Research the availability of local job search assistance.
• Make sure you have contact information at home, as well as at the office.
• Update your resume regularly.
• Prepare a budget and stick to it.
• Constantly build your network.

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Even though the old adage says “you can’t judge a book by its cover,” appearance still does matter in the workplace. Knowing you are dressed appropriately helps increase your self-confidence. You want to come across as confident and polished. Your demonstration of these attributes can be greatly enhanced by the way you dress.

Remember: when out in the job market, dress as though you might run into someone very important. Don’t dress for the job you have; dress for the job you want. And once you get it, dress one level above that. When they try
to picture you being promoted, it will help them to see that you already fit. You don’t always have to put on “power clothes,” but you should always maintain a look of professionalism.

The Art of Asking Questions in an Interview
In a traditional interview, the candidate often walks away feeling like they’ve just been interrogated. After 45 minutes of being grilled by the interviewer, after 45 minutes of answering question after question, sometimes (only sometimes) does the interviewer finally ask, “Do you have any questions for me?” At last, you can do a little grilling yourself. You ask, “Can you tell me more about what the position entails?” The interviewer answers and you come to find out the job is not at all what you thought it would be, but since it’s already been almost an hour, time is up and you are asked to leave.

How does one prevent being blind-sided at the end of an interview? By asking questions throughout the interview, not just at the conclusion of the meeting. Ask questions about the position in the beginning of the interview, not at the end. If you find out more about what the position entails right away, you’ll be able to stress those areas of your experience that show you’re well-suited for the job; or you’ll be able to determine that you would rather not continue the interview and waste your time or the interviewer’s time.

Asking questions in an interview does several great things for you:
1. It allows you to showcase how well you’ve done your homework on the company by asking intelligent questions.
This shows that you cared enough about the position to do some research.

2. It allows you get answers to your questions. The most obvious benefit of asking questions is that you can find out from a reliable source what you want to know. This will help you determine if you want the position and if the company is right for you, which is what the interview is all about.

3. It allows you to show how you meet their needs. When an employer answers your questions, often they will indicate to you a need they have and how this position is meant to fill it. If you listen closely, you can determine what those needs are and then you can follow up their response with how you can help them. Give examples of how you’ve met another employer’s similar needs in the past and that will translate to what a great fit you are for this job.

Shaking Your Confidence
When we meet someone for the first time, a handshake is often in order. This may be our first personal contact with an individual-not to mention our first physical contact with them. First impressions are hard to change, so the proper handshake at your initial meeting is critical to convey your confidence and enthusiasm.

No matter what gender you are and no matter the gender of your recipient, a limp-wristed, weak handshake does nothing for your assertiveness quotient and may actually give a poor first impression. Women, dainty is for wimps. If you want to show you have the ability to get things done, a firm grip in your handshake is imperative. Men, don’t strong-arm your associate, but do give a firm grip that shows conviction. Actions tell a thousand words-the proper handshake uses all positive ones.

Connect to Become Known
Have you ever felt intimidated walking into a room in which you don’t know a soul? Do you ever feel more lonely in room full of strangers than when you are physically alone? Changing jobs is often scary because of the big unknown. How does a job seeker decrease these feelings of loneliness and isolation? Imagine walking into an interview and knowing the person on the other side of the table. Wouldn’t it feel liberating to walk through the doors of your new company and know the first eight people you see? There is no magic in being able to do this-it is done through a technique called connecting. By connecting with people during your job search, you develop relationships with them that can last a lifetime. By connecting with people, you become known and loved in what is sometimes an unfamiliar and frightening world. Connecting, otherwise known as networking, allows you to quickly turn strangers into friends who will aid you in your job search, not reject you like so many job searches in our past. The first rule of connecting is to ask questions to everyone you meet. Ask them about their job, about their education, about their industry, about their company. The more interest you show in them, the more interest they will show in you. This forms a connection between you and others that may lead you to your next position.

Risk in the Job Search
As in any project, the more planning you do before you get started, the less risk that will be associated with the project. Any job search can cause anxiety and apprehension. Proper preparation is the greatest prevention of fear. So to prepare, you must determine two things: you must know yourself and you must know your goal. List your strongest attributes and determine what you would like to do; then you have two powerful aces in your hand. Too many job seekers focus on what they do not have as opposed to what they do have. Once you have defined yourself and what you’re looking for, the risk involved is greatly reduced.

When It Might Be Time For A Change
We should all look for opportunities to do what we love for a living. When the joy is gone from the job, it is probably time to look for a change of scenery. Finding no enjoyment could involve several components. Maybe you just don’t like what you do. Perhaps you’re not earning enough to compensate you for your time and effort. Possibly your values are being compromised by occupational requirements.

There might be reasons why we feel the need to stay in a job that we don’t like. Though those reasons may seem to be valid now, over the long run they can be destructive in many ways.

With the current robust job market, the job seeker can afford to be shopping around for the right “fit”. In fact, companies are doing more and more to entice others to work for them while still striving to keep their own employees. Now is a great time to look for opportunities that will not only increase your pay, but also provide skills that could make you more marketable in the future. This does not mean that the grass is automatically greener. It just means that this is a good time to open your eyes to possible opportunities that would allow you to move forward along your career path.

Do What You Love
Before you can do what you love for a living, you have to develop an understanding of what it is you love to do. Instead of discovering what work truly satisfies them, many people spend their energy agonizing over work that doesn’t. Here are three questions to help you jumpstart your search for a career you will love.

1. Think of the last five times when you felt invigorated and energized at work. You may have to think back several years! Where were you? Were you alone, one on one or in a group? What were you doing? What was it about that experience that was so satisfying?

2. At work, what do you find yourself doing even if it is not required of you? What skills and talents have you used consistently in all of your jobs even when they were not part of the job description?

3. What are your three major skills? Think back over your whole life not just your work history. Where have you excelled?

Write your answers to all of these questions in a journal or notebook. You may want to spend several days or even a couple of weeks exploring these answers, depending upon the urgency of your employment situation. When you
feel that you have fully explored each question, reread your answers in their entirety. Look for themes. A career counselor can help you figure out how to translate those themes into options and how to make doing what you love a reality.

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What do diets have to do with career development, anyway?

NO, it’s not because you have to get in shape to sell yourself. If that were the case, 20 million of us Americans would not find work. 60% of us may be out of shape, 20% obese, but only 4% of us are out of work.

The real connection between diets and job search is, well, for one, we’re constantly on one. That is, constantly on a diet and constantly on a job search, too, always looking for a better one.

A second connection between diet and job search is the never-ending search for the quick fix. The American Dietetic Association reports that 20 million Americans are on a diet. The reason? If we were honest, everyone wants a quick fix. The same with the job search.

Give me the high protein job search. None of those complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables—the supposedly fattening starchy stuff that weighs and slows me down. Give me the promise of the quick and easy weight loss and job search programs.

There is no such thing as a quick fix when it comes to achieving a healthy career. If lifelong career fitness is your goal, the only way to achieve it is to make permanent lifestyle changes.

Many job seekers constantly find themselves bombarded with new career fitness information—much of it conflicting. High tech is the current rage, as if electronic resumes created by impersonal formulas and sent out over the Ether airways, by themselves, are going to get your foot not only in the door but also into the glass slipper.

How can you separate the gimmicks from the real thing? A good rule of thumb is the old adage, “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”

Look in your own closet, or have they made it to the garage? Those once highly promoted, quick fix exercise machines. Collecting dust particles as if they were fat molecules. Look at the numbers. 3 million jobs are secured per month, nationally, with a conservative estimate of 20 million resumes chasing those jobs. With every passing day, more of those jobs are posted and pursued electronically via another monster-dot-com job search database. It’s the same jobs, but now in a super-advertised market drawing even more resumes.

We know the importance of a balanced diet—food groups, and all, from fruits to nuts, vegetables to grains. We know the research. We’ve heard the experts. But why is it that the promise of a quick and easy job search pulls us in? Because when we listen to the testimonials we hear the end result and tune out the beginning and the middle part of the story.

Our position on the job search is this: It requires a lifelong commitment to healthy career management behaviors, which includes soul searching, some values evaluating, and some vision envisioning, as well as skill developing and interest unfolding. It entails a solid understanding of who you are, a clear picture of what you want to accomplish, an inventory of what you have to offer, a picture of your ideal job and employer, and access to decision makers. Doing this taps into you and taps you into an arena of more fulfilling jobs, which, by the way, are still filled by direct contact with real people.

This commitment to the whole person may not be constantly exciting. The E-commerce and web surfers may not be promoting it. But it works. Sure, it may be different for some few people, but it’s safe to say that this comprehensive approach works for 99% of the population. Looking for testimonials? Listen to the successful.

There is no secret to weight loss or job gain. It is a simple mathematical formula that requires work. In weight loss it is, consume more than you expend and you gain weight. In job search it is, expect more than you expend, and you gain underemployment, if not unemployment.

So instead of looking to a gimmick that may be harmful to your health as well as your career, why not focus on proper career consumption? Job gain is just one effect of a healthy career program. Far more important are the physiological and psychological effects we don’t see, initially. These not-so peripheral effects include health and happiness, positive attitude and disposition, contentment and fulfillment.

The next time you come across a job or career development program that promises miracles with little or no work—run away, and do as my father always advised me, before making a big decision, sleep on it and talk it over with some real people.

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Every choice you make is in favor of something. It may be in favor of a goal, a relationship, a job, financial security, or better health. Or it may be in favor of failure, unhappiness, illness, frustration, or discord.

When you act in favor of a choice you have made, you are investing physical energy toward bringing it about. This physical energy is as strong a prayer as either thoughts or emotions.

It’s fairly easy to see how performance affects results: An athlete determined to win an Olympic medal must train for years, a scholar committed to research must spend hours in the field, a writer aspiring to the best seller list must put words on paper, and a dieter eager to loose weight must eat sensibly. Only when actions support intention and belief, can miracles happen.

What you may not see is that action can be in favor of one thing at the same time that thought or emotion is in favor of something else. When a writer isn’t writing, her actions are prayers for something besides hitting the best seller list, no matter how much she believes she wants the goal she has chosen. When a dieter eats excessive calories, his actions are prayers for staying fat no matter how much he wants to be thin. When an athlete doesn’t train, her actions are prayers in favor of not winning.

Assessing action prayers is easier than assessing either thought or emotion prayers, because what you do is obvious. By becoming a good observer of yourself, you can determine if your actions are compatible with what you think you want your life to be like.

Many of your actions will be habits, engrained over the course of many years. That doesn’t make them any less potent. Each one is in favor of something; each one brings a result. Whatever you have is the result of past choices, past prayers. Change what you pray for by changing your actions, and you will begin to experience different results.

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This months NotusNotes is short but powerful. We wish we could take credit for saying it!

What were you meant to do?

“There is one thing in this world, which you must never forget to do. Human beings come into this world to do particular work. That work is their purpose, and each is specific to the person. If you forget everything else and not this, there’s nothing to worry about. If you remember everything else and forget your true work, then you will have done nothing in your life.” - Rumi

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