When I was a teenager, there were times when life felt so overwhelming. Girls, school, feeling self-conscious, and trying to fit in were just a few of my “agonies”. There was however, at least one really bright spot in my personal darkness. A person whose presence and willingness to care helped me through it, make sense out of it, and put it in perspective.

His name was Kris Bateman and he was my Scout Master. One of his gifts, out of many, was the ability to make everyone feel that they had a special bond with him. For me, at that moment in my life, it truly did feel like we had a special kindred connection. Now that I’m a father, I’ve tried to emulate this quality in establishing unique and special bonds with each of my children.

When I think of Kris what stands out most is his curly hair and a deep, hearty, rich laugh that radiated right out of him. It was impossible not to smile and laugh with him, no matter how you were feeling. It was contagious, and everyone wanted to be infected.

There was no one better at validating your feelings, you knew that he felt what you felt. But then, in his subtle way, he would mix in just enough wisdom and perspective to get you pointed in the right direction, without it sounding parental. He was the perfect blend of friend and mentor.

One cold and snowy night after returning from our camping trip, Kris was dropping each of us off at our houses. I had found out earlier that a girl I really liked, was interested in another guy. He was always keen to read people and I could tell that he knew I was troubled - so he purposely dropped the others off first so that we could talk. When we pulled up to my house, it was nearly 11 PM. Kris had two young children and I’m sure he was anxious to see them and his wife after being gone for two days. I was staring up at the streetlight watching the snow fall when I heard him park. I really didn’t want to leave the friendly confines of his old, clunker Ford van.

“Let’s talk,” he said. Those were magic words. I uttered something, half heartedly about him probably needing to get home and that I understood if he really didn’t have the time. He just smiled at me and put his hand on my shoulder and said, “nope, I have nowhere I need to be except here with you”. I shook my head in amazement at just how incredible I thought he was and smiled a sheepish grin back, appreciative of his kind lie. Just before I took a deep breath to dive into my pool of angst, I remember glancing over at the gas gauge. It was at the half mark. I’m sure I looked at it as some kind of measurement, to determine if we had enough time to really get into it. After patiently listening to me express my feelings, he said something I have never forgotten. “You know, he said, I’ve never understood how people can say that you can’t really be in love when you’re young . . . as if the feelings are only real when you become an adult.” I found it so profoundly validating. Even today when my kids come crying about something important to them, I hear his voice.

Our conversation continued on, and the dull swish of his worn-out wiper blades kept the pace to my stories. It was a perfect reflection of how he would take each of my problems and gently help me move it out of the way. Helping me keep my vision clear. Time, and the snow on the hood of his van had melted away as we came to the end of our conversation. I felt completely at peace and knew that everything was going to be OK. I hugged him and thanked him and just as I was starting to get out of the van, I glanced back at the gas gauge and saw that it stood at a ¼ tank.

Kris died in an electrical accident not too many years later, well before his time - he was just twenty-nine years old. The news of his death struck like a sucker punch to the gut that knocked the wind out of me - and changed me.

We all know that life is about the relationships that we make. The most meaningful, are the ones that we make time for and keep. It’s amazing what a ¼ tank will do.

Stop for just a second. No really. There is someone that you know right now that needs you. Take the time, do it now, fire up the van and get over there.

- In today’s highly competitive marketplace, successful job searching comes down to this one important key - “Relational Leverage”.  How many contacts you have, times the quality of the relationship, equals the power of your Relational Leverage.  Obviously, Relational Leverage isn’t gained overnight.  Time must be put into those relationships for them to pay the dividend of that investment when you need to make a “withdraw” from it.  Commit to making at least a small, quality investment everyday in your relationships.  Doing that, more than any other job search technique, will give you the biggest ROI.  No job board will ever trump the power of “who you know”.

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